Американ'c анекдоты ?
Уважаемые отдыхающие )!
Курилочный вопрос.
Вам известны какие-либо американские анекдоты? Вообще, существует ли подобное нашему понятие коротких смешных или не смешных историй, направление в юморе, у жителей Северной Америки?
Какие герои там участвуют?
Понятно, что про моделистов анекдоты не так часты, так что вся инфа сойдет.
тока модельных анегдотов я не помню:
A Texan was visiting Australia. A wheat farmer showed him some immense
fields. “That’s nothing,” the Texan said. “We have fields ten times
bigger than that in Texas.” Next, a sheep rancher showed him his
flock. “That’s nothing,” the Texan said. “We have sheep ten times
bigger than that in Texas.” Just then three kangaroos hopped across the
road. “What are those?” the Texan asked. Replied the Aussie:
“Don’t you have grasshoppers in Texas?”
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A woman takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work.
Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, so she puts the boy in the closet and shuts the door. Her husband also comes home, so she puts her lover in the closet, with the little boy.
The little boy says, “Dark in Here.”
The man says, “Yes, it is.”
Boy - “I have a baseball.”
Man - “That’s nice.”
Boy - “Want to buy it.”
Man - “No, no thanks.”
Boy - “My dad’s outside.”
Man - “OK, how much?”
Boy - “$175.00”
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover
are in the closet together.
Boy - “Dark in here.”
Man - “Yes, it is.”
Boy - “I have a baseball mitt.”
The lover remembering the last time asks the boy, “How much?”
Boy - “$375.00”
A few days later, the father says to the boy, “Grab your glove.
Let’s go outside and toss the baseball back and forth.”
The boy says, “I can’t, I sold them.”
The father asks, “How much did you sell them for?”
Boy - “$550.00”
The father says, “That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that; that is way more than those two things cost. I’m going to take you to church and make you confess.”
They go to church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, “Dark in here.”
The priest says, “Don’t start that shit again.”
====
The game warden couldn’t figure out why Jack (a man of many fish but few words) always came home with a creel full of fish. The warden suspected foul play so he invited himself on a fishing trip with Jack. They boarded a small rowboat and worked their way out to the center of the lake in question. Jack reaches into his knapsack, pulls out a stick of dynamite and lights the fuse. “Now wait a minute here Jack,” the game warden says, “this type of business is strictly illegal!” Jack hands him the dynamite and says, “You gonna fish or you gonna talk.”
===
A little boy says to his father “Hey Dad that’s a great fish you caught. Can I use it for bait?”
====
WANTED
Woman who can cook, clean, wash and make sweet love.
Must have own boat.
If interested, send a photo of the boat to…
=====
Напоследок американский анегдот от наших эмигрантов
Два жителя Брайтон-Бич общаются:
- Вчера ходил на концерт Павлиашвили.
- Ну и как тебе?
- So-So.
А нет вспомнил как-то читал авиамодельный толковый словарь, там было много всего но помню лишь разъяснение что есть эпоксидка - это материал полностью замещающий бальзу вконструкции модели к концу сезона.
The priest says, “Don’t start that shit again.”
😂
а мне, как лингвисту-любителю очень нравится вот этот:
A woman from Michigan and another woman from the East coast
were seated side by side on an airplane. The woman from Michigan,
being friendly and all, said: “So, where are you from?”
The East coast woman said, “From a place where they know better
than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence.”
The woman from Michigan sat quietly for a few moments and then
replied, “So, where are you from, bitch?”
😃
George: Condi! Nice to see you. What’s happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China .
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China .
George: That’s what I want to know.
Condi: That’s what I’m telling you.
George: That’s what I’m asking you. Who is the new leader of China ?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow’s name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China .
Condi: Hu.
George: The main man in China !
Condi: Hu is leading China
George: Now whaddya’ asking me for?
Condi: I’m telling you, Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I’m asking you. Who is leading China ?
Condi: That’s the man’s name.
George: That’s who’s name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you, or will you not, tell me the name of the new leader of China ?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he’s dead in the Middle East .
Condi: That’s correct.
George: Then who is in China ?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China ?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China . Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don’t want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East ! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
George: All right! With cream and two sugars.
А нет вспомнил как-то читал авиамодельный толковый словарь, там было много всего но помню лишь разъяснение что есть эпоксидка - это материал полностью замещающий бальзу вконструкции модели к концу сезона.
Жызненна ! Мне понравилсо 😃
Q. What do you call a thousand lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A. A good start
Добавить нечего, разве что еще лоерюг 😃
Q. What do you call a thousand lawyers …
Why don’t sharks attack lawyers?
Professional courtesy.
И. Франк Английский шутя (английские и американские анекдоты)
Спасибо ) уважаемые!
Забавно, забавно, но складывается впечатление, что по ширине захвата тем и промешиванию в глубину пластов времен-персонажей-обстоятельств мы все-таки впереди ))
Мне было бы стыдно за поверхностное суждение, но толком не слышал емких, пестрых и необычных анекдотов от иностранцев. Более того, наши истории звучат для их ушей щокирующе ) глаза округляются ) а смех идет из глубины и задворков нетревоженных зон головного мозга.
Может, жизнь наша более анекдотична?
На каждом углу найдется смешилка?
зы: возможно, не сами анекдоты столь важны на языке оригинала, сколько сам принцип, необычность. (Локализация и призма иных условий жизни понятна, она отличается, бесспорно)